I have spoken about grief before in past blogs. But not the kind of grief you feel when someone close to you passes away. I’m talking about the grief of losing someone who is still alive. Still breathing. Still existing in the world, just no longer existing in your life.
Ambiguous grief.
It is an ugly, confusing, painful kind of grief.
One moment I feel fine. The next, I find myself stalking their social media. Scrolling and wondering…
Are you okay?
Are you happy?
Is life without me better?
These are the questions that run through my mind as I scroll through an old friend’s page.
It has been four months since we last spoke. And even though I reached out more times than I can count, it has been nothing but silence. No response. No explanation. No conversation. Just a quiet ending that I never agreed to.
And that hurts.
Maybe if I had an explanation it would hurt less. Maybe if there was a clear reason, something to hold onto, something to understand. But there was no closure. No “this is why.” Just silence.
So now I am grieving a friendship that I truly cherished.
And that is the hardest part. Because when someone dies, the world acknowledges your pain. People understand why you are grieving. But when someone is still alive and simply chooses not to be in your life anymore, you are left grieving alone. There is no funeral. No sympathy cards. No space made for your sadness.
Just you and unanswered questions.
Ambiguous grief teaches you that closure is not always given. Sometimes you have to create it for yourself. Sometimes you have to accept that the silence is the answer.
And that is a different kind of heartbreak.
But it is still heartbreak.
Love ya, BYE!
Tee Talk 