Do you remember that person or that moment in your life that made your brain recalibrate itself to always be ready to leave at the smallest inconvenience?
I cannot tell you the exact day or time, but I remember the person. I remember how their actions alone helped build my wall of defense. A wall that now stands about twenty feet tall in front of me and one I just cannot seem to break down.
This is the wall that makes me self sabotage anything that might actually be good for me.
And let me tell you, I have talked my way out of so many good things in life. All because of the actions of one individual who, when I look back now, I think wow that ugly son of a b*tch. Like seriously, the man is not even attractive. Lust is one hell of a drug because it will have you completely blinded.
But jokes aside, why do we allow people and incidents from our past to have so much power over how we love and trust again?
Why do we let old wounds control new opportunities?
And how do we break free from that hold?
These are questions I ask myself daily.
How do I stop allowing my past to dictate how my future will go?
How do I let go of old trauma and allow myself to grow in the present?
How do I become okay with letting love in again?
How do I open myself up to the possibility of love again?
Maybe healing is not about tearing the wall down all at once. Maybe it is about recognizing why it was built in the first place and slowly choosing when it is safe to lower it.
If you are reading this and you see yourself in these words, know this. Your past does not get to decide your forever. What hurt you once does not get unlimited access to who you become. You are allowed to grow, to soften, and to try again without guilt and without rushing the process.
Healing is not linear. Love is not guaranteed. But neither is staying stuck.
And maybe today, just asking the questions is the first step toward choosing something better.
Love ya, BYE! 🦋
Tee Talk 