Do you ever try to address an issue with someone and the moment you do, they start bringing up everything you have ever done wrong? Suddenly the conversation is no longer about what you came to address. It turns into how you made them feel at another time or something they never mentioned when it actually happened.
I have experienced this with people close to me, family, coworkers, even friends, and it is frustrating.
If something bothered you in the moment, that was the time to say something. I do not understand waiting until I bring up an issue just to unload everything you have been holding onto. That does not feel like communication. It feels like deflection.
I believe in addressing things as they happen. Maybe not immediately, but within a reasonable time. I do not wait until someone comes to me with a concern just so I can dismiss their feelings by bringing up the past. When people do that, they are not listening. They are avoiding accountability.
Sometimes this comes from shame or discomfort with the truth. Some people cannot handle criticism or honesty, so instead of owning their behavior, they shift the focus. Bringing up old issues to make yourself look better or to invalidate someone else’s feelings is not fair.
So how do you deal with people like that?
You set boundaries. You remind them that if they had an issue then, they should have spoken up then. You stay focused on the current conversation. You do not let your feelings get minimized just because someone else is uncomfortable.
Healthy communication is about respect, timing, and accountability. Using the past to escape the present solves nothing.
I am learning not to shrink my feelings just to keep the peace.
Happy Friday.
love ya, BYE! 💕
Tee Talk 