I was sharing something personal with a friend recently. Not in a dramatic way. Not in a “I need advice” way. Just in a “this is something happening in my life” way. And as I was talking, I realized something: the conversation slowly stopped being about what I was saying and started being about how my situation made them feel.
I’m not going to lie, it upset me a little. Because at some point I wanted to ask, how does this actually affect you?
Why do we do that? Why, when someone opens up, do we sometimes run their story through the filter of our own experiences and our own emotions?
I’m not saying relating is wrong. That’s human. That’s how we connect. But there’s a quiet line between empathizing and redirecting. Between listening and unintentionally making someone else’s moment about us.
Sometimes people aren’t asking for comparisons. They’re not asking for warnings. They’re not asking for our backstory. Sometimes they’re just asking to be heard.
And I started thinking about how often this shows up everywhere. Someone shares good news and we answer with our fears. Someone shares a new beginning and we respond with old wounds. Someone shares hope and we hand them caution.
At what point does “I’m just trying to relate” turn into “I’m making this about me”?
Maybe it’s unhealed parts of us. Maybe it’s insecurity. Maybe it’s habit. But it made me realize how important it is to let people have their moment without attaching our own emotional baggage to it.
Because the truth is, not everything is about us. And not everything needs our feelings on top of someone else’s situation.
Not everything needs our story.
Some things just need our support.
Lately I’ve been trying to ask myself, when someone tells me something. Am I listening to understand, or am I listening to reply?
When someone in your life shares something, do you give them space to have their moment. Or do you somehow make it about how it affects you?
Love ya, BYE!
Tee Talk 