A few months ago I was on the phone with my mom, and some how the conversation ended up being about my child’s father. She told me she didn’t understand how I could still be cordial with him after everything he put me through. After the way he treated me. After the way he moves in general.
I remember kind of shutting the conversation down and telling her, “I guess I just have a forgiving heart. I don’t know how to hold grudges or stay mad at people for long, no matter how bad they hurt me.”
But after we hung up, the conversation stayed with me. It had me thinking.
Why am I like this?
Why am I so forgiving?
Why do I let people back into communication with me after they’ve hurt me?
Most people would never. Most people would cut someone off completely and never look back.
Then one afternoon, my child’s father called and opened up to me about his life, everything he was going through, and how things haven’t been kind to him.
A “normal” reaction might’ve been to think, Well, that’s your karma. That’s what you get. You should have treated people better. You should have treated me better.
Maybe not out loud. But at least in your head.
But that’s not where my mind went.
I didn’t see it as a moment of pride. I didn’t see it as a “haha, now you know how it feels” kind of thing. I saw it as a teaching moment.
So I encouraged him. I told him that now he understands what it feels like to be hurt, to be disappointed, to be broken by someone you cared about. And maybe moving forward, he’ll be better. Maybe he’ll show up differently in his next relationship, in his next situation, in his next season.
I gave him words to think about. Advice. Perspective.
When the conversation ended, I felt something I didn’t expect… peace. Not because he was hurting, but because I felt like I did what God would want me to do. I felt like I showed up with grace.
I don’t hold grudges because I know God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes He uses you as a vessel, even for people who once hurt you.
Now, don’t get it confused. Forgiveness doesn’t mean access.
You don’t get to be in my personal life. But you might get a response. You might get a conversation. You might get advice.
I don’t hold grudges.
But I do limit access.
Love ya, BYE!
Tee Talk 